Fifties

Fifties

Friday, June 27, 2014

Where am I ? May-June edition


OH MY GOD.... I am writing again :D
I was super super super undisciplined for my blog in this past two months. Where am I if you want to ask.......

On the last days of April, I went to Bandung (9-10 hours by bus from my town) to attend the Padjadjaran University's Model of United Nation as a UNHCR committee and the delegation of Federated States of Micronesia. i was concerning about Small Island Developing States and its rights as a future environmental refugees... woo hoooo  such a fun topic for a fashion analyzer right?? But it was actually a total fun.... I love negotiating, building relations and politics.. so it was fun, and confusing, and depressing.. but I AM HAPPY... because I can meet a lot of smart and awesome people there...
UNHCR

Caca, Me and Jessica


On the 5th of May (after Im back to Salatiga) one of my best-est friend was having a birthday! Cheerio to Guntur Segara (The Sea Storm yes that is his name)!! He is 19 now, and I love him even more.. such a great brother/best friend. Jessica and I were planning his birthday since we were on the way to Bandung (In a moment where few peeps in our circle had some problem with Guntur, but all of us planned and celebrated it), I called the Bakery (they weren't cheap 2 slices of good cheesecake, but worth it) when I was in Bandung, my dad took that cake on day before the birthday, and we surprised Guntur at his dorm, but it was a total failed. Adi stepped on a dog's poop than Arya also Thomas start to make noises because Adi's sandals smelled bad, and Guntur heard it when I brought the cake up.... but all of us were happy though...
Gumtur and I on his birthday


Then the beginning of Summer Classes (yes it is a new obligation if ALL of the student should take this class to make us graduating sooner) IT WAS SUPER stressful because we are tired physically and mentally. And I don't know why after back from Bandung, for a whole week I got sick. I didn't get fever just I wasn't conscious. I drove pretty bad, I almost crashed to trucks/buses/vans until Thomas willing to follow me one day to my house, he said I drove zig-zag.... -__-
Nini and I

Gaby, Thea and I 


My body felt so tired everyday until i can't write on my blog, on my university press, even i always late to classes. I am tired haha. I feel sick and always want to throw up (until now)

I also had a slightly fight/anger with Guntur for like a week. I was mentally broken, and I defended him, but he turned out took me even in a worst path, but he is my best friend, I can't angry with him at all. And we almost didn't talk for like a week, every time I see him I wanna slap him but because I can't it turned to tears. Some of our circle (well all) told me to slap him, or stay away and don't talk to him. But I am not that kind of person, I love my friend, I ever felt how hurt loosing my friends. So i told my self "If i can be the last friend who stay on his side, why not? at least im trying to help him." So I ask him to talk with me, with Thomas as the mediator. Everyone behind us swore if Guntur won't listen to me, and would be angry with me. And he WASN'T. We are best friend, and I am telling the truth, we care about each other so we are good again.
Moral of the story : Do not stay away from your friend because they make a fault. No one perfect even your best friend. Try to understand them and TALK to them to help them. both of us promise to each other, if something feels so wrong, then we should talk.


After that it was Thomas birthday on the 29th. And DANK, he went away back to his town -_- So we can't do anything. I just remember before he left, he took me,Gaby and Thea to his community's event, his community called Sahabat Jiwa concerning about Children and Education. Because that day's theme was Child Abuse, I went there because I was a victim of bullying elementary school, totally a horrible years but I was survived. Then he almost missed the train, and on his birthday Thea and I called him at night to sing a happy birthday song. And that night we wait for an hour to call Thomas because he was busy, then we met a drunk classmate, that was pretty creep us out.
Thomas before he left for his birthday


On last days of May I flew to Jakarta and have a business there for two days then back home. It was crazy, for the first time I flew by my self. Usually with my family but it wasn't. I am clueless with the airport term ( i am a slow learner of ticketing and transportation thingies) But see, I have Guntur on my back again for the airport difficulty. So it was crazy on the way to airport, from airport to meet the boss, in the meeting, in the hotel, busway trial to go back to the airport, than fly back here until i stepped back to Salatiga, I always have 4 guys with me (on my phone actually). Gaby helped me about the Jakarta road and busways also decision maker, Thea comforted me because i was afraid she was a decision maker too, Guntur helped me with the airport thingie and comforted me too, and Alexander P (yes the British one) was my comforter and listener (yeah you know he always know what happen with me, such a great brother/best friend he is). So I am such in a business know, about education like foreign education prep, and I will be the business speaker and the right hand. Hahaha.. sounds like I will love this (it is sarcasm you know). But at least i will interact to a lot of people and will negotiate.. so it will be good.
my very first Krispy Kreme in Jakarta


On June............. I forget what happen actually.......... ah, it is a weird month. The world cup is here and I support Germany like always (yes my Schweini is here). I handle a seminar (yeah not 100% me, I was in the committee) it was about ASEAN community 2015. Thea and I picked up the speaker from Gajah Mada University. His name is Mr.Mohan and HE IS SUPER smart. He is concerning in National Security  Defense i think. but man...... He is the professor for master degree, he is my lectures's professor. BUT he is ONLY 33 years old. HE is young, and not married. Thea and I own the car (University rent it) plus the driver, but he wasn't nice, and the way he drove is frightening me, and Thea got a car sick because of that. Gaby, Nini, Nanda and Tiara are in Salatiga taking care of the ASEAN exhibition (Gaby dressed up as Vietnamese girl, and some people thought she is a pure Japanese.. and she fooled them, and they believed her!) Guntur was the MC in that day from 10 AM-3 PM.
Umbu, Rivelino, Nanda and I on the ASEAN seminar and exhibition


Thea and I still thinking about the driver, and Mr.Mohan promised us to take us to hang out in Jogjakarta when we took him back. But the driver wasn't nice, and he wanted us to pay more. well it wasn't about the money but his attitude (i never met a driver like that before). I told Guntur about that driver, and thanks GOD, he is a total life saver. Guntur willing to became our driver that night. He asked us, then we pursued him, than he agree and should drive back to his dorm and take a bath as fast as he can, and go to the rent car to take back the car. AND HE CAME pick us up.. and we had fun in Jogjakarta. We lost in a road few times because mr.Mohan intelligence of small paths (sarcasm) but we made to Jogja, we eat Balinese grilled ribs where Guntur and I felt the food were spicy, The didn't think so because she came from Sulawesi. Guntur dropped his milkshake glass and shlul drink half of my hot tea to help him reduce the spiciness. We went to Guntur's most wanted coffee shop called Epilogue coffee and furniture, it is a cool place. And the good news is..... Mr.Mohan pay for all this treat.. hahahaha we love him so much. He act like a friend, he was joking around just like an elder brother not a lecturer for us. Guntur even thought him ho to photograph using micro lens camera. He even listened to us how creepy our philosophy lecturer is..
Thea, mr.Mohan and our best driver/body guard Gunur haha


Kayla and Craig is moving both of them are like my own family. They are the place for me to cry. It has been 2 years since my last tears for those peeps in the orgs who left me. But I cried that day. I love them so much and hoping to see S,H and the third baby ASAP.  Telling you later if i gortpromotion in the univ press, Guntur also being the President of our University Press (Scientiarum) for the next academic year. I was the 1st one who mentioned his name on candidate list hahaha.
Kayla and I before she left


The new president and the new business negotiator



Then my friend from Jogjakarta came her name is Caca. She woke me up while she telling me my negative side. I am too faithful with everyone around me, it can hurt me and damage me. Yes that is a usual issue for me. I though some people who became my friend only because the know how i will love them and will do anything for them. I made me slightly depressed again but It just my personality than what's wrong. This is how God made me. And that two days, every night something happen on my motorcycle. on Tuesday after hanging out with caca and my two circles, my vehicle was dead in front of Nini and Jess's dorm. I brought Gaby with me and It was 11.00 PM and my dad was in Jogjakarta (3 hours with car). I fought with Guntur in the evening before we hung out and his dorm is 20 minutes away. Thomas and Arya's dorm is nearer. So i keep my vehicle in Nini's dorm. I called Thomas (he is the nearest one) he didn't pick it up, he didn't reply my texts. Gaby called Galih (Galih is her bestfriend in other circle) he was willing to help. I need to call other person to take me then, (I dont wanna drive in one off road motorcycle with three people on it). Jessica called me and ask me to call Arya because arya was in the univ. I called him, and he was on the way to back home with Adi. so It is fixed if both of them can't help me. Arya told me to call Guntur. I bet Guntur won't come, bcz at 9.30 pm he already said if he was sleepy while we hung out with our big group. But yes i tried, it was take a moment to let him reply my texts. Gaby,Galih and I drove to a milk place near univ first and it was terrible, my bottom was hurt so bad. I told Guntur how bad it was and ask him to come. and God, he said YES. and he came.and drive me home, i asked him what he was doing when i texted him, he said he was almost fell asleep, he already in bed. This kind of friend is the one who you shouldn't leave. He is my greatest friend ever. he help me a lot this month.
Nini, me, gaby and caca


On wednesday same thing happen, but it was on the market at 12 AM. mid-night. well gladly before my vehicle died Gaby and I already text Kris to follow us drive back home. (Gaby, Caca, Nini and I were in the market to drink Ronde, Gaby brought vehicle, but Caca was with me) So I double confuse because how i will take my vehicle at least to nini's place? Kris came, Gaby and I just hugged him. and you know what? BIMA and Arya was behind him so i don't need to call Guntur (well, GUntur and Arya gonna have public speaking class on the next day start at 7 am, so I won't call him and disturb his sleeping) Those three heroes were going to go to Bima's new house because the can't sleep at univ. So Kris dragged and pump my vehicle on the way to Nini's house (about 20iish more minutes), Bima helped to push it with his vehicle, Nini driving with Caca, Gaby with Bima and Arya with me. I remembered Caca said "for the first time i saw and i feel 5 different guys who came a long way to help you and Gaby. You have a lot of faithful friends." That words made me love her more... made me realize how much I love these 5 guys more. (Bima, Galih aand Kris are Gaby closest male friends especially Galih and Kris. Meanwhile, Guntur,Arya and Thomas are my closest male friends especially Guntur and Thomas)

But I quite depressed this month. There is a physiological psychiatric who joining the Univ press, he is my mentor now. He knew if i had eating disorder, and now im facing depression, anxiety and insecurities which makes me broken and not productive. I didn't tell him at all but he read it, the he talk with me 2 days ago, he consulted me, and i cried than told him everything that change me, the family probs, my withdrawal from joining 3 favorites university because of financial problem, how Joo (the guy who i used to close with on my latest year of HS) dump me and mocked me, how 3 other boys (Sunshine, Sunshine's friend, and the fake caring boy) who played my heart, and etc. The mentor told me to wrote an essay about my true self (because he said if i didn't make a  mask to cover my true self but i make the other cinta, and live in that cinta being a total different person to hide everything) i wrote 9 pages of my self. Arya, and he read it. And he called me, and told me if i am already on the top of my depression. He said i have a big confidence but it just totally broken because I am in the super crisis stage of myself, i feel ugly and not worth it to anyone. And he willing to help me to get my self back. And they (arya and him) promote me in the university press not as a journalist anymore, but as the business negotiator... because he said it is me, the real me is there. GOD, i think i should be a mouth of 2 of my jobs, now im in the training process... But im happy has Erwin as my mentor, because i know i forgot who i was after Joo broke it, and I need to take her back here..

And the last thing that I wanna write down is................. on the 25th of June, my two best friends. Arya and Pita just turned 19!!! Pita was my BFF since Elementary School (same as Wati). Arya is my univ inner circle (you know with Jessica, Farel, Thomas and Guntur who always surprise each other birthday) Jessica was in batam that day, so I called Guntur to become my partner in planning Arya's surprise party. I am not a good planer, Jessica is. So Guntur told me to ask Thomas and Adi for help too. So four us planning it, and Gaby helped me to buy the cakes and other because i need a girl beside me in planning on cakes. And we made it!!! after Arya finish his class, we were on outside of his class with several of his classmates. and when he came out he didn't realize it then we brought out the cake and celebrate it. Gaby took a video of it and I took a lot of pics too. Based on Gaby's video on my phone i edited it and made it and linked it to all his family member back home in Surabaya (yes i be friend with his mom,dad, and all his brothers), and they like it. you can check it HERE.

Adi, Guntur, Arya and Thomas on Arya birthday

The surprise party full crew

Pita and I


My body still not fit too. I still want to throw up everyday and have low blood pressure everyday. I still heal my self from my anxiety and insecurities, I still learn to love my self and put confidence in it. but the only thing that i still know about my self is.... I love all people around me, even though they hurt me or not. I love My family, my friends in the organization that I work in, I love my brit brother Alex, I love Gaby, Thea, Nini, Nanda, and Tiara, I love Guntur and Thomas, I love Arya, Jessica, Farel, Adi, Bima,Kris and Galih. I love you and your smile also their smile. I love God who made me. And I learn to love my self.

Hope I will be back soon, to give you fashion reports and other. Please be with me in my healing process.

Im yours truly..


Cinta Carnelian



p.s And by the way I bought the newest album of Ed Sheeran - Multiply (X) and it is a great album! I love Photograph so much...


2 comments:

  1. I'm happy to hear that you are feeling better over your body, you are really gorgeous and I love the way you dress. Keep up the good job!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you very much for yout support... I love you style too :D I am better now.. and will start writing again soon....

    ReplyDelete