Friday, December 21, 2012

Doomsday : Just for me

21st of December isn't a doomsday for anybody.. but it is the end of the world for me

I got my SAT score, my math score is good, but bad for my reading. It's means I can't get any scholarship to US with that.It's mean my dreams are gone... really gone...

I just realize that I am dumb, I am stupid, I am a crazy dreamer, Im wasting my time with studying too hard, but I got nothing.
I am dreaming too high..

And I don't know about my future anymore, I don't know about it and don't care about it at all..
And you know, who is the 1st person who come and hug me, and try to make me happy for 1ish hour  until almost 9 p.m? It's only The one that i really like! Not my friends, not my family. My dad n mom just say "sorry, you did the best..."
410 is BAD, I get 470 in my 1st Pre SAT.and in latest pre test I got 540 but now I got only 410 for reading. they keep saying You don't speak english, and learn english everyday.. that's okay..
WHAT?? Are they high or something?

Even today, When I cried since 4 p.m until now almost 6p.m, my dad just hold my soldier, my brother and mom are YELLED at me! Do you know how it feel, when you feel God betrayed you, when you feel down, no one care.. Your friends, your best friends, your family ARE NOT CARE about you at all... My brother who I really love, didn't try to comfort me, I hate my life.

I prayed to God about 15 minutes ago, I payed to Him "You gave my hope, you gave me dreams, now all are gone. What do you want me to do God? still want me to studying International Relations, and become an International Negotiator or not? Up to you.. Just tell me, If you want me to be something"

Now, I don't know what to do... even though I got $18.000 per year scholarship in President University, I think I lost my spirit... don't know what to do right now..

Still love you guys, even though you don't care with me at all...

Cinta Carnelian

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