Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Kindness and Care

I do believe if I am living in a wonderful societies... At home, i have a community that most time are exist for me. At school I have some communities that different each others but helping me much about a lot of things. In the other place I have several communities that support me much too..
It makes me have some kind of personality.. but the introduction will be the genetics first.
My mom : She can not express her kindness or love or care especially to people who she really  loves like her children etc.
My dad : Too much love and care for everyone, until a lot of people fooled him
Me : combination of them. I can be super loyal to my friends, especially the close ones.. but I can be very careful with other friend, but for people that I love, usually hard for me to show them... but when my care mode on, I can keep showing them until some sort of point then stop...

But now, after those storm that happen to me in the early of this year, i am more like my mom now. I can't totally show the one that I really care about if I care about him. But i keep trying to be nice with all people around us. So it makes him not look so special. But with my friends? don't ask me... My loyalty is as big as the earth, I remember I jump from bad with still half awake brain just to go to my best friends's house to see what happen with her. Or I will buy few stuffs for other  best friends because they need it. But I start to show Sunshine of my heart if he is more than other best friends.

But the point here : Sometime i think the kindness and care from me or my dad or my brother to other people is nonsense. Sometime i think, I always try to always care and ready to help any of those people that I really care. But only a few of them really exist for me if I need them. FYI : I still feel that alone like what I ever felt few months ago. NO ONE REALLY THERE.
My mom usually tell me "If you are too kind to others, they will just use you and throw you away."
but I believe : "I will keep showing them, or him, or her, how much i love them/he/her how much they meant to me.. even though they never do that to me. It takes the right person to see it right? at least i am genuine.."

I just want to tell you, if you are the kind like me or facing struggles like me, just please do not freeze your heart like i did. Keep spreading your care and kindness... People will see it someday, People will be there for you one day.
Just see it..

About me? how it gonna be? Let see it... i'm facing two options now, to go back to become the cold one, or change to become softer with a chance to be broken again.

Pray for me,

Cinta Carnelian

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